Please get well soon!

It's great to never forget the best time with a person we love.

Wow ! I realized i was very absent of this special place from 1 month … Many things happened this last month.

First, I was at the cinema with my brother few weeks ago, and I saw an ex-colleague I was in love with but like the life is made I can't love him 'cause it's not a great thing for me, for my heart. He's not single and certainly he already forgot me btw. When I saw him, all the world around crashed. But I had the idea to write a new song ''If I Ain't Got You'', I'll not hide you that I cried by writing it. It's one of my fav I already composed. It speaks about my feelings about two special persons. Two special persons I can love but that's all.

Next week, I was at hospital for 1 week instead of 3 days for the long test I already mentioned. it was a hard week and it's during those hard moments that some dreams could come true.

Yes, Trust me Seriously.

I explain you: Tuesday night, i watched Dr House on my Tv and tweeted ''Watching Dr. House when you're at the hospital is … very weird'' (or something like that) and one episode later i tweeted to Jack: ''@JackLawless: Jack...'' and i saw a yellow @reply window just before my last tweet. IT WAS A TWEET FROM HIM ! Oh my God ! I didn't realize ! First I thought it was a poser one but I read: “J.A.C.K.L.A.W.L.E.S.S.”. I couldn't say anything, my tears were speaking for me. He's the best Sweet Heart ever for me ! I still can't believe it ! That's just unbelievable ! I feel so blessed. It was a real deliverance to read this tweet from him. In my problems I had a chance finally. My heart felt better instantly and I couldn't stop smiling. I thanked God to be with me and to heard my prayers. And I still couldn't stop crying. But I continued to read it and thanks everyone again and again. This thing never could happen without them.

Just this tweet make my heart feel much better, even today when I read it.

" I read a few tweets saying your in the hospital.
I hope you are doing ok.
Please get well soon! "

From Jack Lawless to I on Twitter.

I read all the @replies from my friends and myself to him but NOBODY spoke about me at the hospital. O_O it means that he came on my Twitter profile maybe.... I don't know. That's the miracle of this night. But It's not the main question. The most important thing ever is the strength he gave me this night. Another night which is better because of him. At this moment, this Tuesday April 13^th night, I realized that EVERY dreams could become true ! Never Give up Guys ! At this moment, this Tuesday April 13^th night, I never imagined what will happen two days later. After his tweet I decide to write him another letter to thanks him about his tweet and the strength he gave me with just few words. 'cause finally it's just a tweet. Just 20 words. 140 characters. But the best strength that someone like me needs ! It's very great for the heart to know that the person you admire ask you to get well soon ! So I decided to write this new letter to him, a very short one that I wanna send with a new copy of the old one. A new one just to say ''thank you for the tweet and more''. I wrote it Thursday April 15^th and when I had finished it I check out my BlackBerry and saw a new Email:

''Direct Message From Jack Lawless''

At this moment, I had the feeling that my heart stop beating a few. It was just more unbelievable than the tweet.

I read it and crying so much.

Dear readers, Jack had read my letter and DMed me to say me thank you for it, and ''it was very sweet!'' he explained me why I read it just now (I sent it in February) and he said me “Please Get well soon!'' again...

Just speaking about it make me smile and my tears are back …

What did obligated him to write me those two messages ? Nothing. Nothing obligated him. I think he wrote with his heart a few. What do you think about 'em ?

You know if I close my eyes I can see these smiles to me at Antwerp. If I Close my eyes, I can be back at Antwerp and even if it's not great for me I stay in this world just because its my perfect world.

“This song is for you two.
How could I say you ?
Don't forget it
If one day you hear it.

Writing, singing, playing, once again.
If I Ain't Got You
Smiling, laughing, praying, once again.
If I Ain't Got You.”

"If I Ain't got you" - Lily'C

I dedicate this one to my friend Elise.

I was out of the hospital the next Friday and what I saw when I was back at home: No train, no planes in all over the Europe ! What the fuck ? Stupid Volcano I'd like to go to see my family in the South of France and to make a break with my life here but I was stuck at home.

But next important (and truly weird) thing happened one week later this new one which started. Next Tuesday everybody learns the big Jonas Brothers' announcement about the World Tour and Wednesday afternoon I received a text message from … Her … She sent me a sweet text to ask me how's my school year, if I'm fine and what happen in my life … I was just like that → O_O (lmao). I spoke about this text with some friends and one told me that maybe she wrote me just because of the World Tour announcement … I thought of this idea and maybe she's right. You'll see if she answer me.

The same day I saw a new doctor because the previous one give up her cabinet. (so great –') 'cause since I was back from the hospital I feel so bad. Big big stomachaches, and palpitations more and more again. The new doctor gave me two new drugs (for my stomachaches and some vitamins) and a sonogram to know if that's because of my stomach or my pancreas. Bad new if it's my stomach.... Very bad thing … and very hard one. I hope it's ''just'' my pancreas... Even if it's my pancreas I currently don't know what this thing is.

Last week, I decided to be online on msn and a “friend” come to speak with me … at the beginning he was so cool and sweet with and suddenly he said me that everybody think that i'm a poser, not sick, and I said everything just to tell many liar ! How a friend can think something like that really ? What the hell ? I didn't sleep this night. I cried so much. I wasn't offended just sad because of I think he was my friend … Since this day, I'm afraid of everyone around me at school … last week was hard too. People speak less with me. I don't why. It hurts me so bad. But I must live like that so I do it.

" I'm not a trick you play, I ride a different way
I'm not a mistake, I'm not a fake, It's set in my DNA
Don't change me
I can't be tamed. "

"Can't Be Tamed" - Miley Cyrus

I can't stop say to myself these lines to try to don't give up, even if i see the finish line move away from me day by day. I continue to reach out to try to catch it.

" Turn Right
Into my Arms
Turn Right
You won't be alone
You might
Fall off this track sometimes
Hope to see you on the finish line. "

"Turn Right" - Jonas Brothers

Today, Friday May 10^th , I received all my results from the hospital (yes yes one month later really !) and the doctor of the hospital send me to see another new one again … By the way, the problems are not from my stomach finally so … pancreas ? I'll know soon. I hope. I promise to get well soon and i'll do it !

In this last paragraph I wanna thanks every persons who support me, who write me when i'm sad, who tweet Jack about me again today, it's very important for me and you're SO awesome with me that's incredible.I wanna thanks every persons who watched my last cover of Lady Gaga – Paparazzi, 7,000 views in one week I can't believe it ! O_O and I wanna thanks every persons who voted for my blog on NickJonasFrance.org because I was the WebTop of this last month !

I'll conclude this new blogpost while saying to you to don't forget to ALWAYS Keep The Faith and to NEVER Give up ! First because i'm pretty sure that A Little Bit Longer and We'll Be Fine and because of EVERY dreams could become true one day, it's enough to believe in them everytime with your heart. I think I can say i'm a great example of this way.

Thanks you so much from the Bottom of my heart everyone.

God Bless You All.
All my Love.

(L)ily.

PS: I don't copy/paste you the Jack's DM because I think if he DM me it was because of something private and I wanna respect his choice. Hope your understand mine.

"You always want a song about you"

114 days. 114 days ago you told me that you broke your promises to me. 114 days since our last REAL conversation. 114 days ago, I never thought of everything happened. Alone in my car into our favorite landscape. Alone to do shopping. Tonight, I remember these months with you. Smiling. Happiness. Freedom. I was your Demi & you were my Selly. There are things which we can't share with anyone else. This song is for you, you know ? No sure you don't. Why ? 'cause you was late at my first solo show. I dedicated you this song 'cause yes you ARE it … I don't know if you'll read this blogpost one day, I don't know if you'll hear this song, but I continue to sing it. Again and again. If you'll come back in my life one day, I'm sure that i'll open you my arms... Why ? 'cause I'm still in love with you.
I don't write all that to feel you guilty as you could think it but only to alleviate my heart.


“ Now you're far away
You let me on this way
I can't hold you back
This is your choice
Don't Forget me, Don't forget us
You always want a song about you
And now that's true. “

“Just Friends” - Lily'C


So STOP IT NOW ! I must to forget you even if these days with you were amazing and the last summer was one of the best ever, I need to have my own way with success and happiness and it's without you. Even if I grew up during these months without you. I grew up without you 'cause I need to do it without you.
Only the future will say it to us.
To be continued …


“ The time that you danced with me
With no music playing i remember those simple things
I remember till i cry
But the one thing i wish i'd forget
A memory i wanna forget
Is goodbye “

Goodbye – Miley Cyrus


How could I explain you my current feeling. I realize now how this family is important for me. This special weekend they were just 2 of it but that was so fucking great ! I think I need some changes in my life. I know I already have many many of 'em these last months but I need to have some positive things. Like this weekend. I went to skiing last holidays, I think that was a such first great thing even if I was very weak when I snowboarded. And this day at Paris was very very incredible and great for my mind.

V for Victory.

I was back at the hospital just for one rendez-vous with my doctor. She told me that I should come during 3 days to be a long test. I hate hospital it's so bored … But I know that I could be better one day even if sometimes that's hard 'cause when I swim or when I run in Softball, I'm weak very quickly.
This month I discovered something: At HighSchool during the lunch time one boy drank a Sprite beside me and I realized that I forgot the smells and the taste of it ! I start to forget the taste of Nutella too or many other things. That's weird but I must to live with, or rather, without these products.

Maybe some of you are right and maybe I just need love in my life. A person who will say me everyday that he loves me for who I am.


“ I’m shaking it off, I’m shaking off all of the pain.
Breaking my heart, breaking my heart once again
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad? “

“Who I Am” - Nick Jonas & The Administration


These last weeks i've another weird feeling that I can't explain well … How could I explain my feelings about her ? I don't know, I just know that's not a jealous feelings. It's like a protection feeling. She seems too frivolous for him. I saw the pain into these eyes on every new photos. The light does not shine anymore into these eyes like this night when he looked at me...
“ I'm confused” why ? Why did you tweeted it ? Why were you confused ? I feel that he's sad and not ok, and I can't help him. That's very frustrated ! I can just pray for him and I do it. He deserve the best, that's all. I really wanna meet him just to hug him and say something important. I hope one day I could do it. I don't know why but I've the feeling that if I sing more maybe he'll hear me … so I'll sing for him. 118 days ago … Longtime since the last one but more closed days after days to the next one. Cannot wait to see you all again !
By the way, I tried to write him a letter but I was many problems 'cause it's very hard to write his heart one a white page. I wanna tell him all the hope and the strength he gaves me this night at this special moment but I didn't arrive to write well. But I received a photo of him and my heart has been heated by a special one so finally I finished my letter (oups … 4 pages … haha !) I hope he'll read it even if he never answers me … if he reads it that's a flawless (?) thing.

'cause music is the best way for my heart

My last paragraph is for you all my readers ! Thanks to read and comment my posts. Thanks for your help and your support. Don't forget to Keep the Faith. Yes to Keep to Faith 'cause I thing that even for the persons who are not believers, it's a very important thing. “Keep the Faith” … There's so much things into this sentence, so much of hope, so much of strength. It's a thing which I'd like to make comprehensible to many people who does not understand that or does not even tolerate it. It's not a religious way first, it's just a question of principle, a heart way. It's one thing that carries us and guide us … I know that to tell me it, helps me everyday and I'd like to help each others with it.

God Bless You,
Lily.


More:
New Layout & new organization for my posts: One per page.
Banner made by Perrine (Twitter - NickJonasFrance)
Vote for me on NickJonasFrance's WebTob (I'm first ! and if i win this blog will be on the main page for one month. I think it's a great opportunity to share my Simple Win.)
New MySpace Layout too -- Here --

"Today We Gather Because We have Chosen Hope over Fear"

“In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

Barack Obama
“Today We Gather Because We have Chosen Hope over Fear”
- Inaugural Address – Janv. 20th 2009 -

We're January 1^st 2010 when i began this blogpost. So first: Happy New Year !

For this new year eve I was in the South of France, with my parents, my brother and a friend family. This afternoon we saw the first sunset of the year, of 2010, of this new decade and it was wonderful. Finally 2010 starts great even if 2009 miss the end badly. These last days were hard even if my faith stay the same but my strength leaves me day after day. My seizures are more frequent than the other weeks and more important too. My last problem is my hands. When I play piano they become very hard and cant continue to play during few minutes, when they're ok I can play again and I play again and again. I close my eyes and I play. I love to just hear. Btw my results doesnt be at home again... WTF ? I cant be better without 'em and my doctor is so slow to send me 'em. I cant believe it ! Thats incredible ! F*****g health system ! Awful way !

This year was made by some highs and some lows. One low never leaves me now but all the highs make me better all the year long. If i should speak about this year passed i dont know what i can write … If i should speak about the lows first i tell you that i didnt succeed at my final exams and my parents said me im not a great daughter about that. I probably mentioned this 'wonderful' way named « Friends » you know these persons who tells you that they will be everytime with you, everytime for you and who finally left you to another person. This year I had many bad nights with some nightmares. This year I still miss you like the other years again and again. This year I saw most doctors than the other years of my life but i'm not there to be sad. Im just there to speak about my point of vision of the world, of my life, of my illness. I know I was not a perfect friends this year for some of you but you know that I love you and i'll never forget you even if i'm so stupid ith you. I am so sorry. Sincerely. I hope you could forgive me one day for my bad actions.

This year my holidays were truly short but thats not a problem 'cause the best came after. I met some extraordinary & amazing persons, I saw some incredible concerts, I said to everyone who i am really, even if thats not ok for everybody. Seriously thats not my problem if you dislike the real me its your way not mine. I know who I am and for me its the better thing in a life. Be who you are really into your head, into your heart and never be afraid by the others. Never. I composed and covered many songs, updated many many tweets, created this blog too and played some great and awesome gig with the Adventys.

I'll never forget this year.

This year the world lost Michael Jackson, I love him, his music was my way when I was young but for me it's not the celebrity of the year. Sure, i'm so sad about his death that's terrible for the musical world. Few important personality make this year too. My books of this year are two books about Barack Obama, their speeches and “Dreams from my father.” 'cause the hopes is the better thing I can have now. To see him to become President of the United States of America was one such wonderful thing. I remember the day when I know him for the FIRST time. Three years ago, I was sick one day so I stayed at home and I watched Tv all the day long. It was a show about the young senator of the Illinois who wrote a book. I never found this book in France. Never. Hope I could read it one day. From this day I never forget his name, I feel some great things from him. He's President now and thats a such great thing ! Yes ! I love the United States ! Yes I love the Jonas Brothers and the Disney Stars ! Yes I'm sick ! And Yes your bad opinions about me make me better everyday even if sometimes they hurts me I love your criticizes.

“This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time – to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth – that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people. Yes We Can.”

Barack Obama
“Your Victory”
- Election Night Victory Speech -
Nov. 4th 2008 -

Yes ! This blogpost dont have lyrics like the others but this one is special. It speaks about my life this year. My hope, my pain, my succeed and my failures. I conclue this blogpost quoting this person who give me many strength, many hopes and who learns me to NEVER give up.

“My approach to managing diabetes is to focus on simple wins — little things I can do each day to achieve my goals. Over time, these everyday victories can make a big difference in your life — just like every research advancement moves us along on our path to a cure. While on that path, I want to be a positive face for diabetes. I want to show kids with type 1 diabetes – like all the kids sitting with me today – that they can live with diabetes and still make their dreams come true. Thank you for the opportunity to appear before you today, and thank you for your commitment to diabetes research. With your help, a little bit longer and we will all be fine.”

Nick Jonas
at Washington DC before the Committee
the June 23th 2009

Please my readers, I know im not a perfect person but if I could I wanna give you my strength to never give up 'cause you dont give up and be better even if the life and few many thing are against you. So dont give up, stay yourself & be the best. And never forget: A Little Bit Longer and We'll be Fine.

God Bless Each one of You.

Keep the faith and the faith will help you.

With all my love.

(L)ily.