10 mai 2010

Please get well soon!

It's great to never forget the best time with a person we love.

Wow ! I realized i was very absent of this special place from 1 month … Many things happened this last month.

First, I was at the cinema with my brother few weeks ago, and I saw an ex-colleague I was in love with but like the life is made I can't love him 'cause it's not a great thing for me, for my heart. He's not single and certainly he already forgot me btw. When I saw him, all the world around crashed. But I had the idea to write a new song ''If I Ain't Got You'', I'll not hide you that I cried by writing it. It's one of my fav I already composed. It speaks about my feelings about two special persons. Two special persons I can love but that's all.

Next week, I was at hospital for 1 week instead of 3 days for the long test I already mentioned. it was a hard week and it's during those hard moments that some dreams could come true.

Yes, Trust me Seriously.

I explain you: Tuesday night, i watched Dr House on my Tv and tweeted ''Watching Dr. House when you're at the hospital is … very weird'' (or something like that) and one episode later i tweeted to Jack: ''@JackLawless: Jack...'' and i saw a yellow @reply window just before my last tweet. IT WAS A TWEET FROM HIM ! Oh my God ! I didn't realize ! First I thought it was a poser one but I read: “J.A.C.K.L.A.W.L.E.S.S.”. I couldn't say anything, my tears were speaking for me. He's the best Sweet Heart ever for me ! I still can't believe it ! That's just unbelievable ! I feel so blessed. It was a real deliverance to read this tweet from him. In my problems I had a chance finally. My heart felt better instantly and I couldn't stop smiling. I thanked God to be with me and to heard my prayers. And I still couldn't stop crying. But I continued to read it and thanks everyone again and again. This thing never could happen without them.

Just this tweet make my heart feel much better, even today when I read it.

" I read a few tweets saying your in the hospital.
I hope you are doing ok.

Please get well soon!

From Jack Lawless to I on Twitter.

I read all the @replies from my friends and myself to him but NOBODY spoke about me at the hospital. O_O it means that he came on my Twitter profile maybe.... I don't know. That's the miracle of this night. But It's not the main question. The most important thing ever is the strength he gave me this night. Another night which is better because of him. At this moment, this Tuesday April 13th night, I realized that EVERY dreams could become true ! Never Give up Guys ! At this moment, this Tuesday April 13th night, I never imagined what will happen two days later. After his tweet I decide to write him another letter to thanks him about his tweet and the strength he gave me with just few words. 'cause finally it's just a tweet. Just 20 words. 140 characters. But the best strength that someone like me needs ! It's very great for the heart to know that the person you admire ask you to get well soon ! So I decided to write this new letter to him, a very short one that I wanna send with a new copy of the old one. A new one just to say ''thank you for the tweet and more''. I wrote it Thursday April 15th and when I had finished it I check out my BlackBerry and saw a new Email:

''Direct Message From Jack Lawless''

At this moment, I had the feeling that my heart stop beating a few. It was just more unbelievable than the tweet.

I read it and crying so much.

Dear readers, Jack had read my letter and DMed me to say me thank you for it, and ''it was very sweet!'' he explained me why I read it just now (I sent it in February) and he said me “Please Get well soon!'' again...

Just speaking about it make me smile and my tears are back …

What did obligated him to write me those two messages ? Nothing. Nothing obligated him. I think he wrote with his heart a few. What do you think about 'em ?

You know if I close my eyes I can see these smiles to me at Antwerp. If I Close my eyes, I can be back at Antwerp and even if it's not great for me I stay in this world just because its my perfect world.

This song is for you two.
How could I say you ?

Don't forget it

If one day you hear it.

Writing, singing, playing, once again.

If I Ain't Got You

Smiling, laughing, praying, once again.
If I Ain't Got You.

"If I Ain't got you" - Lily'C

I dedicate this one to my friend Elise.

I was out of the hospital the next Friday and what I saw when I was back at home: No train, no planes in all over the Europe ! What the fuck ? Stupid Volcano I'd like to go to see my family in the South of France and to make a break with my life here but I was stuck at home.

But next important (and truly weird) thing happened one week later this new one which started. Next Tuesday everybody learns the big Jonas Brothers' announcement about the World Tour and Wednesday afternoon I received a text message from … Her … She sent me a sweet text to ask me how's my school year, if I'm fine and what happen in my life … I was just like that → O_O (lmao). I spoke about this text with some friends and one told me that maybe she wrote me just because of the World Tour announcement … I thought of this idea and maybe she's right. You'll see if she answer me.

The same day I saw a new doctor because the previous one give up her cabinet. (so great –') 'cause since I was back from the hospital I feel so bad. Big big stomachaches, and palpitations more and more again. The new doctor gave me two new drugs (for my stomachaches and some vitamins) and a sonogram to know if that's because of my stomach or my pancreas. Bad new if it's my stomach.... Very bad thing … and very hard one. I hope it's ''just'' my pancreas... Even if it's my pancreas I currently don't know what this thing is.

Last week, I decided to be online on msn and a “friend” come to speak with me … at the beginning he was so cool and sweet with and suddenly he said me that everybody think that i'm a poser, not sick, and I said everything just to tell many liar ! How a friend can think something like that really ? What the hell ? I didn't sleep this night. I cried so much. I wasn't offended just sad because of I think he was my friend … Since this day, I'm afraid of everyone around me at school … last week was hard too. People speak less with me. I don't why. It hurts me so bad. But I must live like that so I do it.

" I'm not a trick you play, I ride a different way
I'm not a mistake, I'm not a fake, It's set in my DNA
Don't change me
I can't be tamed. "

"Can't Be Tamed" - Miley Cyrus

I can't stop say to myself these lines to try to don't give up, even if i see the finish line move away from me day by day. I continue to reach out to try to catch it.

" Turn Right
Into my Arms
Turn Right
You won't be alone
You might
Fall off this track sometimes
Hope to see you on the finish line. "

"Turn Right" - Jonas Brothers

Today, Friday May 10th , I received all my results from the hospital (yes yes one month later really !) and the doctor of the hospital send me to see another new one again … By the way, the problems are not from my stomach finally so … pancreas ? I'll know soon. I hope. I promise to get well soon and i'll do it !

In this last paragraph I wanna thanks every persons who support me, who write me when i'm sad, who tweet Jack about me again today, it's very important for me and you're SO awesome with me that's incredible.I wanna thanks every persons who watched my last cover of Lady Gaga – Paparazzi, 7,000 views in one week I can't believe it ! O_O and I wanna thanks every persons who voted for my blog on NickJonasFrance.org because I was the WebTop of this last month !

I'll conclude this new blogpost while saying to you to don't forget to ALWAYS Keep The Faith and to NEVER Give up ! First because i'm pretty sure that A Little Bit Longer and We'll Be Fine and because of EVERY dreams could become true one day, it's enough to believe in them everytime with your heart. I think I can say i'm a great example of this way.

Thanks you so much from the Bottom of my heart everyone.

God Bless You All.
All my Love.


PS: I don't copy/paste you the Jack's DM because I think if he DM me it was because of something private and I wanna respect his choice. Hope your understand mine.

5 commentaires:

Elise Anne a dit…

No comments on here ? Weird! you deserve so much love, and so much people have to care about you my Lily... I don't have a very good english, but i understand all your post *proud haha*
But i think, my comment's kinda .. lol you know what i mean. I'm so proud to have my little place on your blog, just with one picture, you made my heart melt <3
You know that i'm happy for you, and i'm always gonna be there for you, no matter what <3
Love you Mrs Lawless <3

Jess a dit…

Comme tu le dis ma Lily, beaucoup de choses se sont passées ...
Des choses dont je suis fière et d'autres ... J'aimerais les effacer de ma mémoire pour toujours. Mais, les mauvaises passes sont, parait- il, les plus importantes (celles qui nous forgent le caractère), et puis, ce sont elles aussi qui nous apprennent plus que n'importe quoi d'autre. (Je sais de quoi je parle). Mais maintenant, j'ai une devise (il serait peut- être temps que je l'applique quoi, ça fait des années que j'écoute cette chanson et les mots me trottent dans la tête seulement maintenant): "Il faut toujours tirer le meilleur parti d'une situation, toujours relativiser." ~ Sniper - Ce que j'ai sur le coeur <3

Je ne comprends pas comment quelqu'un puisse je ne sais pas, t'oublier, t'effacer de sa vie ... c'est juste IMPOSSIBLE!
J'ai bien cru que j'allais te perdre (toi- même- tu- sais), ce fut une période difficile, insurmontable ...

Jess a dit…

LOL C'est sûr que de regarder Dr House à l'hosto est assez ... étrange! xD
Je m'en souviens comme si c'était hier, la fois où ... il t'a écrit! c'était une nuit magnifique malgré qu'elle ait été difficile pour toi avant ce message! Tout le monde était aux anges, en même temps que toi, comme si l'on se retrouvait avec toi, dans cette chambre d'hôpital, à tes côtés <3

Maintenant, ce que j'aimerais que t'essaies de faire: quand tout s'effondre autour de toi, relis ce mot! Puises en lui la force qui s'en dégage, l'espoir! <3 Plus rien n'est impossible, Il te l'a prouvé, toi qui allait abandonner ... Les rêves se réalisent le plus souvent lorsque l'on s'y attends le moins, mais arrivent bien assez tôt, avant que tu ne baisses complètement les bras :)

Merci à Jack de raviver cette étincelle en toi, qui a parfois trop tendance à s'éteindre ... ;)

Jess a dit…

Alors ... as- tu eu des nouvelles de cette charmante amie? qui d'après moi, ne t'a envoyé ce message que par pur intérêt ... =O
J'aimerais que tu m'envoies un petit message m'expliquant un peu l'évolution de ta santé et les effets qu'ont sur toi ces nouveaux médicaments =$ si tu veux bien, bien sûr! Je suis vraiment désolée de ne plus être là NI sur Twitter, NI par textos. Comme je te l'ai dis, hey bah, mon père a fait une petite connerie avec mon forfait: ce qui fait que mes options Internet ne fonctionnent plus qu'à partir de 20h jusqu'à 8h le matin (ALLOOOOO! à quoi sert ce truc? Je suis plus sur mes messages que sur le net!), ce qui fait que je n'ai plus du tout de crédit (car je pensais que le nouveau forfait que mon père m'avait mis n'affectait seulement que Internet, mais NON! ) enfin, bref, je me sens un peu 'recluse', mise de côté sur Twitter depuis que je ne peux plus m'y rendre. (Le PC tu dis? Il est éteint maintenant H24) Et pis, j'en ai un peu marre de revenir, de faire sans cesse des efforts pour garder ne serait- ce qu'un minimum avec les autres. J'aimerais pour une fois, DIABLE, que l'on me dise 'Tu me manques, Je pense à toi' au moins UNE FOIS DANS MA VIE, que ce ne soit pas à chaque fois, moi, qu'il le dise! BREF NUMERO 2!
(J'aime bien 'breffer' en ce moment!)

Jess a dit…

I love you <3 (Je me déco'! J'ai fais un gros effort de me bouger le cul de mon lit pour venir m'installer sur cette chaise et écrire sur ce maudit clavier, Mon PC, quand il est allumé, il sert à ma soeur ou sinon, il me sert à écouter la musique, c'y tout :D ... Je reviendrais demain, une ou deux heures pour lire et t'écrire sur le fo' ainsi de lire les autres fictions que j'ai un peu délaissées et aussi les commenter! )