I don't write all that to feel you guilty as you could think it but only to alleviate my heart.
“ Now you're far away
You let me on this way
I can't hold you back
This is your choice
Don't Forget me, Don't forget us
You always want a song about you
And now that's true. “
“Just Friends” - Lily'C
So STOP IT NOW ! I must to forget you even if these days with you were amazing and the last summer was one of the best ever, I need to have my own way with success and happiness and it's without you. Even if I grew up during these months without you. I grew up without you 'cause I need to do it without you.
Only the future will say it to us.
To be continued …
“ The time that you danced with me
With no music playing i remember those simple things
I remember till i cry
But the one thing i wish i'd forget
A memory i wanna forget
Is goodbye “
Goodbye – Miley Cyrus
How could I explain you my current feeling. I realize now how this family is important for me. This special weekend they were just 2 of it but that was so fucking great ! I think I need some changes in my life. I know I already have many many of 'em these last months but I need to have some positive things. Like this weekend. I went to skiing last holidays, I think that was a such first great thing even if I was very weak when I snowboarded. And this day at Paris was very very incredible and great for my mind.
V for Victory.
I was back at the hospital just for one rendez-vous with my doctor. She told me that I should come during 3 days to be a long test. I hate hospital it's so bored … But I know that I could be better one day even if sometimes that's hard 'cause when I swim or when I run in Softball, I'm weak very quickly.
This month I discovered something: At HighSchool during the lunch time one boy drank a Sprite beside me and I realized that I forgot the smells and the taste of it ! I start to forget the taste of Nutella too or many other things. That's weird but I must to live with, or rather, without these products.
Maybe some of you are right and maybe I just need love in my life. A person who will say me everyday that he loves me for who I am.
“ I’m shaking it off, I’m shaking off all of the pain.
Breaking my heart, breaking my heart once again
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad? “
“Who I Am” - Nick Jonas & The Administration
These last weeks i've another weird feeling that I can't explain well … How could I explain my feelings about her ? I don't know, I just know that's not a jealous feelings. It's like a protection feeling. She seems too frivolous for him. I saw the pain into these eyes on every new photos. The light does not shine anymore into these eyes like this night when he looked at me...
“ I'm confused” why ? Why did you tweeted it ? Why were you confused ? I feel that he's sad and not ok, and I can't help him. That's very frustrated ! I can just pray for him and I do it. He deserve the best, that's all. I really wanna meet him just to hug him and say something important. I hope one day I could do it. I don't know why but I've the feeling that if I sing more maybe he'll hear me … so I'll sing for him. 118 days ago … Longtime since the last one but more closed days after days to the next one. Cannot wait to see you all again !
By the way, I tried to write him a letter but I was many problems 'cause it's very hard to write his heart one a white page. I wanna tell him all the hope and the strength he gaves me this night at this special moment but I didn't arrive to write well. But I received a photo of him and my heart has been heated by a special one so finally I finished my letter (oups … 4 pages … haha !) I hope he'll read it even if he never answers me … if he reads it that's a flawless (?) thing.
'cause music is the best way for my heart
My last paragraph is for you all my readers ! Thanks to read and comment my posts. Thanks for your help and your support. Don't forget to Keep the Faith. Yes to Keep to Faith 'cause I thing that even for the persons who are not believers, it's a very important thing. “Keep the Faith” … There's so much things into this sentence, so much of hope, so much of strength. It's a thing which I'd like to make comprehensible to many people who does not understand that or does not even tolerate it. It's not a religious way first, it's just a question of principle, a heart way. It's one thing that carries us and guide us … I know that to tell me it, helps me everyday and I'd like to help each others with it.
God Bless You,
Lily.
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