"Apparently I'm beautiful [...] And I wouldn't change a thing. "

Hope is Life.

There those days where you realized how lucky you are even if you thought you was not. There those days where you wanna leave your current place and go far away. There those days when you realized you need just love in your life.
I know how much lucky i am. I need just love in my life. Just this little thing but i dont give up and continue to live without it. I don't know if someone can live without love. I mean ... The real one. Not friendship. The real love. The one where your heart feels so good everyday, where your smile is coming upon your face everytime when you heard his name, his voice, or saw his face. id like to find it but i thing that i am too afraid. Trust me guys ! Don't be afraid of love ! Don't be like me. I am not a good example. I always told to a boy: ''oh .. no ... erm ... sorry ... i am not free.'' it was stupid and perfectly immature ....

In fact i think i had too suffered in the past and i am afraid to live it again. Yes, i know, i am still afraid by something, but without fear life will be not the same. it will be not a normal one.

Hope makes live. Yes. that's right. so continue to hope, to pray, to believe in your dreams even if you think it's the most craziest one ever because when your dreams will become true, your heart feels the happiest ever and you'll feel as invincible. Trust me.

These last months i am not a good blogger 'cause i was very busy.
Many things changed in my life until April.
First i was graduated and started my new studies about FX, Animation, videogames etc...
I met so many new awesome people but i realized how people really are and sometimes it's not some good things. Oh ! no sorry ! it's more "persons" instead of "things"
Well i think that everybody cant love everyone but i think i am not stupid. I can saw when someone is a fake person. Stop lying guys ! Why are you lying too much ? Do you think it's better like that ? Do you think you gonna be a better person behind lies ? Are you too ashamed of yourself to tell the truth ? I can't believe these kind of persons who lie to "exist".
YOU are fake, fake, fake ! i need to tell you STOP ! It's becoming so ridiculous !

I saw a cardiologist 2 months ago, he said that my heart aches existed because i get the Tietze's Syndrome ... it's an infection of the sternum and rib cartilage that causes pressure on my chest... i am waiting a new rendezvous with a special doctor for a cure. French Medical system really sucks a lot!
But i keep the smile about it ! i am sure one day it will be okay and i could eat everything i want etc ... =) i wanna stay optimistic and strong !

" I'm feeling kind of crazy
I think maybe I'm in love
And I wanna turn the music up
Tip back my cup and drink it all in deep
'Cause there's no place on earth I'd rather be"

"California Sunshine" - Christa Black

I made an incredible trip to London with my dear friend Jessy to see the 25th Anniversary of Les Miserables, the musical. It was like a month at London but we were there something like 2 days only ! Just AWESOME !

Normally i didnt make advertisement on this special place but i wanna make an exception.
I wanna share with you the work of a really awesome non profit organization named: ALittle Bit Longer ! Since few months they try to do their best to help the research about all the incurable disease !! HELP Them too please ! Thank you ALittle Bit Longer to believe and work so hard everyday.

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Life is a gift. as John Taylor will said now: Life is awesome.

Few days ago, someone i love wrote me: "One "!" can change a whole message."
And she is right about it !
His message was not the same without this lil' thing... Everything were different i think.

"This is critical
I'm feeling helpless
So hysterical, this can't be healthy
I can't eat or sleep
When you're not with me
Baby, you're the air i breath
This is critical, yeah
So stuck on you "

"Critical" - Nick Jonas

One year ago (+ one week), i'll back from Zurich and posted a post about this weird but finally funny weekend with you girls !
Wow ! It was on year ago already ... I can't believe it ! Time flies too fast !
But right now, one year ago i was in a late train from Lyon to Antwerp ! and tomorrow we'll be November 14 ! How could I forget this day ? it was one of the best day ever ! i know, i am SO lucky to meet Nick, Joe & Kevin and to be at the Soundcheck party =)
How could I forget this moment ? This moment shared with him at the end of the show, this short time shared with him which made me forget all my problems, which made me forget everything except him and what he means to me ...
I could talk about this moment again and again ... =')
It stucks in my heat everyday.

Because this is THE word about him.

I spoke with a girl who said to me that she is so jealous 'cause i met Nick, Joe & Kevin last year. After she said to me that she met Jack two times ! I know i am so lucky to meet Joe, Nick & Kevin but girl, do you realize how lucky you are into my eyes ? I could give all i have to see him just one minute. To have just one minute with him. Even less than one minute. I'd like to say to him how grateful i am about all he gave to me last April and this special night. He is my hero. More than Nick ... More than Matt. Why ? Simply 'cause even the others are so sweet, Jack was a real guardian angel to me... I think i could never thanks him as he deserves it ... that's bad. I really hope one day i could hug him and say to him all these things.

"Were Venus and Mars
Venus and Mars
Were like different stars
Like different stars
But your the harmony to every song I sing,
And I wouldn't change a thing."

"Wouldn't Change a Thing" - Demi Lovato & Joe Jonas.

Oooh and a last awesome weird thing: I turned 20 last month ! Time flies really really fast !
I remember when i was young *_*
When i was i had a dream: have a Christmas with all my family like a real Christmas ! and this year this dream could become true ! Thanks so much to my Mom ! i really really hope it will become true. My aunt is really weak and i am so afraid to her and i wanna pass this Christmas with her. it will be so magic...

"And i always believed there's magic on christmas eve
Then Santa comes round, & im so glad we found this love we swore to keep
And we walk in the snow, letting our troubles go
To a far away place so that we embrace christmas spirit all around and i say
Merry Merry Christmas... today"

"What Would Christmas be like ?" - Mia Rose

A special thanks to all of you who support me everyday during my highs and lows. you are all so awesome with me that's incredible ! =')
Another special thanks to my two new friends Lea & Mick, welcome to my life and i am so sorry you are coming during a low , and i am so sorry to be without smile these last days.
A special thanks to my friends Jessy, JessiK and my sweetie Garbow who are there for me everyday and she knows who grateful i am about them. I hope so !
A Last special thanks to Christa Black 'cause her music helps me so much to get a motivation and to Keep the Faith.


Don't forget to Keep the Faith and to Never Give Up 'cause A Little Bit Longer and We'll be Fine. Always believe in your dreams.

"But God loves ugly
He doesn't see the way I see
Oh, God takes ugly
And turns it into something that is beautiful
Apparently I'm beautiful
'Cause You love me"

"God Loves Ugly" - Christa Black

God Bless you.
With all my love.

(L)ily.


Pictures: Christa Black - Jack Lawless